If someone you know faces an unplanned pregnancy, consider presenting the benefits of adoption. These tips may help.

1. Express compassion. Tell her you care.  Demonstrate your concern in concrete ways, such as spending time with her or by providing a meal.

2. Listen for cues. Is she ready to look at her options? Or is she overwhelmed at the moment?

3. Share information. When you sense the timing is right, explain your desire for her to make the most informed decision. Provide information about today’s adoption options.  Tell her about open adoption, a birth mom’s right to choose and interview adoptive parents, and opportunities open adoption provides to be a part of her child’s life.

4. Choose accurate language. Acknowledge that children are a gift rather than a possession. Refer to her pregnancy as “unplanned” rather than “unwanted.” Discuss “making an adoption plan” or “placing” rather than “giving up” or “putting up” her child for adoption. Talk about “biological parents” and “adoptive parents” rather than “real parents.”

5. Dispel myths. Address the truth about adoption: it’s a choice that requires tremendous, sacrificial love.  It’s a responsible choice.  Many lives will benefit from the courageous choice of adoption.  Use tools such as Birthmother, Good Mother and A Case For Adoption (both available the the National Council For Adoption).

6. Look into the future. Ask, “What kind of life do you want for your child?” and “What do you think your life and your child’s life will be like in 5 years? In 10 years?”

7. Give her a firsthand experience. Connect her with a birth parent who placed, an adoptive parent, or an adoptee – or all three – so she can hear about the benefits of the adoption option from those who have experienced it.

If someone you know faces an unplanned pregnancy and is abortion-minded, consider presenting alternatives. These practical tips may help.

1. Be a friend. Most women who face an unplanned pregnancy experience isolation and rejection. In fact, 83% post-abortive women say they would have made a different choice if they’d had support from a partner, family member, or special person during pregnancy. Check in with her often. Earn the right to be heard. Put her in touch with Birthmothers so she can be matched one-on-one with a trained Friend who will walk with her during her ordeal.

2. Practice acceptance.  Tell her you’ll stand by her, no matter what her choice. 

3. Show her hope. Introduce her to women who were abortion-minded but ultimately chose to give birth.

4. Arrange for an ultrasound. Eight out of ten pregnancy care centers report that abortion-minded women decide to keep their babies after seeing ultrasound images. Offer to schedule and accompany her to an appointment.

5. Describe available services. Finances may be deterring her from carrying the pregnancy to term. Have information ready to share about resources offered to pregnant women, including medical aid, temporary shelter, transportation, food stamps, nutrition programs, and legal aid. Explain how you can help her access these services. Contact Birthmothers for a list of resources in your area.

6. Offer the adoption option. Ask, “How might you feel about helping to build a family?” Describe the benefits of choosing to place her child, including access to medical coverage, the opportunity to select and meet adoptive parents, and variety of arrangements available through open adoption.

7. Project the future.  Encourage her to look beyond her present situation.  Remind her that life brings different opportunities each day and each week.  Say, “I know you’re hurting right now. But five years from now, how might you feel about having had an abortion?”